Relationship Corner....

Why do I always attract the wrong guy?

by Ian Lewis

Are you one of those nice, normal girls who always seems to attract the wrong kind of men? Men who are commitment-phobes, married, wastrels, abusers or just plain creeps? Men that your girlfriends disapproved of right from the beginning? Have you wondered where all the nice, single men are and why they can't find you for a change?

If you've answered 'yes' to all those questions, you're not the only one. Even the sanest of women often end up in relationships with Mr. Wrong. Here are some tips to help you avoid relationship-disaster again, and again - and again.

Is there a pattern? The most important thing is to first recognize that you have a problem. As an exercise, look at all the men you've dated or even been attracted to. Do you see a pattern in the kind of guys you attract? (There usually is. If you can't see one immediately, ask a friend or two to help you out).

Now try and understand what it is about you that is making you attractive to that kind of guy. For instance, abusive men frequently search out women who are vulnerable. A friend of mine who kept dating married men realized that she was just much more comfortable with men who were unavailable: this made her more attractive to married men!

High standards. Step two is to figure out what you are really looking for in a guy. It also helps if you clearly put down what you don't want in a guy. It's much easier to resist a good looking cad when you know that what you really want is a nice guy who is going to stay around for keeps. And it's easier to find the right guy when you know he may not come with a great car. Knowing what you want (and don't want) not only helps you keep the scum out, it also helps you zero down on places where you can meet the types of people you really do want to meet.

Once you've got that sorted out, it is time for a little confidence-building exercise. Look at all the great things about you that cry out loud that you deserve a great guy. Are you attractive, friendly, smart, witty, a mean cook or a great listener? Surely there is something that you have that somebody worth having a relationship with will appreciate. In that case why waste your time with guys who aren't right, when you know you can do better? If it means that you have to go for a period of time without being in a relationship, it's alright. You can spend some time with your girlfriends or catch up on a hobby instead.

Confidence. The other great thing about being self-assured is that it automatically makes you even more attractive. Men like women who are sure about themselves. Soon all the desirable guys you want to attract will be seeking you out.


Finally, remember that no matter how great you are and how hard you try, sometimes you will still end up attracting the wrong kind of men. At times like this it is important to keep the faith. Kick the guy goodbye (there's no point wasting your time if you know that this one is a loser) and go back to searching for Mr. Right. He is out there somewhere. Happy hunting!

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