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    Tuesday, July 28, 2009
    Let them eat cake! Or not.

    I just had a birthday. Valiantly stood my ground in the face of the great equalizer... Cake.

    As soon as I saw the thing (I didn't order it), I made a quick resolution to end my impending yummy torture at just two bites, and actually succeeded. Yay! It wasn't easy, let me tell ya.

    Now, I love cake as much as the next gal (and probably a bit more, because I live in NYC and let's be honest, it's pretty highly freakin' likely that the "next gal" will be a size 4, with a waist size equivalent of a pencil), but there ain't nuthin' in a cake that's even remotely diet friendly.

    It's a little known fact that the S in Dessert actually stands for S&M ( as in sado-masochistic). Yep, dessert is right up there next to the nipple clamps and the butt flogger.

    Why do we use cake to celebrate birthday's anyway? Why must we do the S&M? Sure, it might be fun to get smacked on the bottom every now and then, but you're still going to end up with a pretty sore, red ass. I hate to channel my inner skinny bitch here, but don't folks realize that eating cake will only add an extra digit to an already zip code-large ass? ESPECIALLY, a massive slice of chocolate cake (about the size of Texas), with chocolate frosting and (as if that weren't enough), chocolate chips sprinkled on the top and a f$#@-ing hefty heap of whipped cream on the side.

    I swear, if there were a twelve step program for being addicted to chocolate I would be in it. If there were a medal of valor for bravery in face of death by dessert, I should have it.

    *Sigh*. I'd better stop now, as I'm making myself hungry again. Really, it's not fair, but as they say " all things in moderation".

    Only, be sure to leave the leftovers for sanitation. Or charity...whatever works best for you. ;)

    image courtesy of

    Last weight recorded: 282
    Pounds lost: -5
    New weight recorded: 278

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